14 12 2010

Hope is important, but faith is day to day. Human beings are programmed to suffer, most people aren’t aware that they are suffering but the self-conscious, the self aware and analytical types do. It’s easy sometimes to fall into the trap of lost hope, but to lose faith, this is tragic. Faith, whether you interpret it as “religious” or in terms of the adjective “faithful” or as the secular noun “faith” is an important word and it’s a facet of humanity which should not be neglected.

When I have faith, I don’t merely hope that things will turn out well. Anyone can hope to win the lottery, but hope doesn’t produce results. Hope is passive, and helpless. When I have faith in life, when I believe in it, when I believe that my life is purposeful, when I turn up in faith and with faith it’s a magical spell.

The pain of human suffering whether it is emotional or physical is dreadful. Suffering is caused by being out of sink with the divine plan. Why do people want things that aren’t for them? Why do people hate themselves for not being what they wanted to be? Why do we always want what’s not right for us? Why can’t we just trust in God’s plan?

I need faith to get me through this day. I need faith, in order to believe that my life isn’t a total waste of time. I need faith to tell me that in actuality, I’ve got inner spirit and I don’t need the love of anyone, because by relying on other people for my faith only leads to misery and suffering.

There is no-one in this world that will love you, only God, but you must know God and love God in order to experience that faith. Ask yourself if people can really sustain you in a spiritual sense? When Jesus said “you must leave your family and friends, in order to follow me”, this is what he meant. There is no-one in the world who truly loves you. Human relationships have always been transactions of money for sex, or some complexity with money for sex being the ultimate goal, however complicated one might imagine it to be. However it’s dressed up, however clouded in the lies and deception of civilisation, people are ultimately just baboons with large brains. Strip away the clothes, strip away the houses and cars and jobs and music and art, and that’s what we are.

No-one will actually love the mangy miserable baboon on the periphery, he is just a vagabond. But the worst offender is the chief baboon, king of the baboons, lord fucker of the troop. Of course God doesn’t love the king of the apes, because the king of the apes doesn’t love him. God hated Sodom and Gomorah and he smote them. God hated mankind after our fall, and he drowned most of us, because he hated us, and we must have hated him in order for him to drown us. What a nasty way to die, and no escape.

Dear God, I’m a miserable sinner. I want what you don’t want. I can’t help it. I love a girl that’s not for me, which is why I’m terminally miserable. I, for all of my astrology can’t see a year into the future, let alone ten or twenty, and yet I doubt in your good will, you who’ve been here from the beginning and made it happen. Dear God, I am sorry for doubting and for lacking faith. In reality, my faith is not an acorn, it’s not even pea-sized, my faith must be so weak, because I suffer.

If I had real faith, I wouldn’t be suffering. I would believe in you and believe that your will and your world is the way it should be. Dear God, I am your lost sheep, I am your crying lost child, take me in and show me that you’ve got it all planned from the start. Show me that I am not a disgrace and a failure, show me that I am worthy, make me worthy, give me faith.

Dear God, I believe in this life, from now until my death. I’ll live it without doubt, without u-turns, and without trying to replay scenes that I got wrong. Nothing was wrong, everything was right. Only my doubt was wrong and I wish that I hadn’t doubted. I wish that I had followed through with everything that I started or tried to start.

Dear God, I promise to serve and to work on what I’m doing 100%. I’ll focus on the work that you’ve given me and I’ll not ask for anything or want anything. What you’ve given to me is sufficient. People’s criticisms will roll off me like water off a duck. Because I will have faith, more than an acorn, and it will grow every day.

Dear God, there is only one path and one future, there are no “alternatives”, since there is only one life. It is not right to say that “this life wasn’t meant”, or that “I should have done that differently”. From here unto my death, I will have total faith in you. Dear God, you are the one and the only. Dear God, you are reading this now, and so I am grateful to you. I am grateful to you for everything that I have, and I will lift the oak and place it in the sea, with my faith, and I will never doubt again, nor will I be afraid. Dear God the rage that I have is unjustified, it is there because I didn’t believe in you, and my rage, is my sin, and I will no longer have anger, and it will disappear, because I believe.

Dear God, take my miserable human body and let me be content and happy with your will. Let me respond to your spirit and apply myself with complete faith and joy in this life, because your world is truly perfect and beautiful and only my sin and rage prevent me from seeing.

I will go forward now, dearest God, dearest creator, loving creator. Your power is over everything and your spirit animates everything and the joy that I feel will overflow into this world because I know that you are. Dear God by all means punish us all, smite us for lacking faith. My faith is imperfect, but here I am, I renounce evil, and I’ll not love anyone, just you dear God. I’ll not crave anything or anyone just your presence and spirit. Dear God be here.



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