Personal Notes during a Saturn Return

17 09 2013

I’m beginning to take the long view of things in this life. My desire is to move from observing the minute and the changing to the eternal and unmoving. (North Node in the 9th house). Yet I find that the more minutae I observe, the more my sense of the eternal is realised. I read more books about individual characters, individual events, happenings, and occurences, yet I find that when I put the book down, those petty details stay less and less with me and a bigger picture of continuation even with the death of characters, begins to give me a sense of the eternal, a sense that all details and life events are not pressient, not life-determining.

I realise that money is not a goal for me, but that my happiness is tied up with all of the twelve houses equally. I realise that going travelling an doing “tourism” is not a goal for me either, Travel’s purpose is tied up with knowing God, or with a job, or with creating feelings with someone. I ask myself the question: “Why do I want money? Why do I want to be married to that girl? Why do I want to live in a certain place or do a certain job?” The answers are no longer “because they give me pleasure or make my life easy.” The answers I am looking for are, whether or not these details are decreed by God more and more with each day.

Another tough realisation which I’ve had over the past years is that I don’t need to be going anywhere. To just do my job that I have is enough for me. To know that it’s not really necessary to do anything more, is the best thing that anyone can know. Observing nature, I see that the flowers do nothing, the rain also does nothing once it has fallen, mountains and rivers do nothing, except ebb downwards, and though animals chase each other, lion after impala, they are still not doing anything, not really.

It is only man/woman, who runs around without knowing what he/she is doing. Without knowing why. I have often looked at a chart and wondered about its potential, about the “oak in the acorn”, yet to look at it the other way around now seems more fruitful.

It is possible that I do not need to achieve anything anymore. I’ve observed that billionaires sometimes fall, because they have a need which they will never be able to satisfy. Neither take action, nor be inactive.

I’ve come to the conclusion that ancient people may have been happier, in the same way that the flower, the lion and the impala are obviously happier than the tragedy of humanity. Clearly action is better than pre-meditated action, though it may bring on an early death.

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I can see clearly now,  that, even though I’ve got myself some financial security, (a flat and a job) to actually start to take part in the system of consumerism would only further enslave me and diminish my happiness and freedom. Do I need a car? No. If I get married and my wife needs a car, or needs to buy luxuries, she can buy them with her money.

I see that the human hive is vast and complex and that I am lucky in order to be allowed chances to learn chances to discover real knowledge. Many people are trapped without sight of the opening which could lead them above ground and out of the mole’s tunnel in which we are all born into.

Life above ground is bright, when you know that you don’t need to do anything. The majoritty of God’s commands involved not wanting something. Interesting then, that capitalism constantly has to persuade people to want something. Why do yogurt adverts involve attractive skinny women smiling, with a background of light and fluffy clouds which resemble some heavenly place? Because yogurt is a luxury, as are ALL things which are advertised on TV. If we actually needed them, they wouldn’t be advertised. People lived for thousands of years without toilet paper or deoderant, and now that we have these things we know that they are the primary causes of global warming.

So finally, individual death is what frightens me. I need a certain level of comfort in my life in order to ward off disease and death, money for amenities, luxuries even, so that I may have time to ruminate on life, in order to discover knowledge, I must first be able to have the freedom from fear of death, or disease or discomfort. Yet, and yet. I also realise that I will never really be free. I will always be a part of society, capitalism, needs, destruction of nature, which makes me like the rest of humanity, just another dirty flower of civilisation. Kill civilisation! Some people are doing that, or trying to, yet, I am still on the side of comfort and permanence. Though you may secretly root for destruction, you know deep down that your little flat and job, soap in the bathroom and air-con, is what generations have been striving for, you know it’s wrong, but you will also die before willingy giving it up.

I don’t need to, or have to do anything. The main thing I have  learnt has to be that to think that I actually have the power to change my life is an illusion, and the greatest illusion. Lions don’t strategise about hunting. The weakest animal in the herd falls behind, and that’s the one that they catch and eat. They chase, they don’t train daily, with suplements, and vitamins, lions don’t read about the possible benefits of vegetarianism, or that too much meat can be one of the possible causes of early cancer. Likewise impalas, don’t contemplate what they might do to put the predators off the chase,  they simply run.

Yet, Mercury has some power in my chart and therefore I am condemned to think about possible options. But, I am keen to move from the particular, to the general. I know I am still caught up in details, inescapable details. I know at least where I want to be, and how I want to think and see the world. I know the destination, even though I know I am not there yet.

Do I need to move house, move country, change jobs, change people, food, scenery in order to attain it? Not of my own accord. However, I know that the objective has been set, the goal defined, and now all these details ought to take care of themselves.

Finally, if I was there, this piece would not have been witten.

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