When you say I

3 10 2011

When you say “I”, what do you mean by that? Do you mean your body, do you mean your hands, or your eyes, or your mouth? Is that really you? When you say I do you mean your feelings, your emotions, from happiness to anger to depression and sadness, back to happiness and joy? When you say “I love you”, what is it exactly that you love me with? Do you mean your body and your hormones and your feelings? Which ones and in what proportion to each other?

What part of the I is everlasting? What part of the I continues into the next life? What part of the I never dies?

In the next life, when you and I are both dead, will we be able to find each other? How will you recognise me in that life and how will I know it’s you? When we are both reborn and remember nothing of the past life and remember nothing of our “real” selves? Perhaps it’s the eyes that give it away? Windows to the soul.

When I love you, what do I mean by you? What is it that I love? Do I love your body? Do I love your words and your voice? Do I love your past and your future hopes and wishes? Do I love your likes and dislikes?

All of these things I love but what I  love most is your love.

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What can be changed and what can´t

21 01 2010

In other posts that I have made I have argued in favour of destiny and against free human choice. I have said that people are 100% conditioned into the actions and the events that occur in their lives, and in a certain way I still agree with this. It comes down to the old saying that you can call a cat a fish, but it will still be a cat. Free will is akin to the cat himself saying and thinking that he´s a fish and declaring it in joyful exuberance. The United States can declare that it is a “free nation”, but it´s just a country like any other, it has laws and people, an army and a head of state. It may be more successful, but that it is more free than anyone else is probably not true.

When I worry, (Virgo rising with Virgo Mars Rising squared by Sagittarius Neptune), I sometimes think that somehow I can control my world around me if only I were more organised. But I´ve come to realise that I am destined to think that I can control things in this way. This is part of the planetary alignment in the sky when I was born. Fear and worry leads to action, which is called for in order to fulfill the planetary patterns.

Can some things be changed through the individual will? When action is taken, it feels as if destiny is created through the self. And I think that there is the possibility that individuals can change their realities. Energy comes down from the heavens all of the time. This is the will of God, as in Heaven, so on Earth. People though, aren´t adaptable though, and can´t change what they are from one day to the next, in order to fall in line with the cosmic order. It´s true, some people are more adaptable. But people can still do God´s work.

This is where the Biblical explanation comes in handy. Man had a destiny, in Eden, and well, humans chose to opt out. There´s our free-will from the start.  Many have stated that it is Scorpio where Man fell committing some form of vice, but Man in fact is synonymous with the constellation of Aquarius. The Fall of Saturn ruler of Aquarius and ruler of the human condition falls in Tropical Aries, the sign where individuals do what they want. Libra, Saturn´s exaltation is then where our judgement for that selfishness will be found. This is not to say that Libra is any better than Aries.

What I am saying though, is that our lives are planned for by a higher power. And the difference between our own wills, and that of the higher power, is that when we make judgements, it´s impossible to make the right judgement, we simply don´t have the foresight of the creator.

The difference is between making something happen that is not meant to happen, because we as humans are separated from God and do not know his will. And on the other hand waiting and just allowing the instructions to come down to us.

When human beings cut down trees, and leave the land alone, eventually trees grow back in the same place, because the climate and the fauna favour it. Cutting down the trees is not exactly God´s will, it´s Man´s actions, ruled by the sign of Aries. In the perfect balance of the creation of the Universe, the trees do eventually grow back because there are seeds, and the counter-action, the Libran element of balancing things out, although it takes time and is invisible at first, is real.

Is this to say that human beings are not to cut down trees? Clearly not. Just that it´s obvious that in this world actions result in counter-actions, which are invisible but which are there even though in our semi-foresight we aren´t aware of them.

Man was created in order to be master of the trees and of the animals, this is also stated in divine law. God allowed us to do with them as we saw fit, to name them and to eat them. The divine will, was that humans were meant to be happy, we were meant to enjoy the fruits of this world. It was the fruit that wasn´t ready that Man picked that got us into this mess. It was a lack of patience, and a lack of the knowledge that in life God gives everyone the same amount of happiness, just that it is meassured.

In my life, I try everyday to not indulge myself or to take what is not meant for me. The secret to true happiness is to eat porridge everyday and really savour when someone gives you a chocolate. The secret is to not worry about your job, about whether they might want you or not, but just to calmly do it without thinking that someone is watching you and what you do. If you weren´t good enough they wouldn´t have picked you.

It is hard to find a way to trust in divine law, it is hard to have faith in something that you can´t see. In one sense I don´t think that this law needs to wait generations in order to be fulfilled, in our lives, an evil committed will pollute the person who commits it. And even though they may appear to have got clean off the hook, and enjoy the fruits, consecuences are destined to follow them.

Collectively, obviously the global warming issue fully demonstrates this idea of the balance within nature. The interconnectedness of the planet is astounding, and all of the scientists are in accorance on this fact. On a personal level though, there is a destiny for all. What would be interesting, would be to observe people who didn´t take their quota of happiness before it was due or take more than they were entitled to, then suffer for those debts.





Fortune, Destiny, God

23 11 2009

Something that I sometimes wonder about in relation to this study is the idea of destiny. The reason that anyone studies this particular unconfirmed field is to try to get a heads up  on a future which is already dead certain. What I mean by this is that somehow, there is a destiny which is already fact and that although our lives are only in the making, although our lives are incomplete and lacking at the moment, the idea that there is something definite in the future is tantalising and promising.

But, no matter how much I study, I will never fully “know” the future. I will never understand that I might be different at some future time, just as I had been different in the past. The scope of emotion that I have experienced in life, I would never have dreamed of in childhood. As a child there was no worry, no sadness, no disappointment, but those things came just as they come to all.

A chart though contains more potential than what is lived at the moment in which one looks at it. This is part of the reason for study. It´s the fact that you can find things that you would have never before dreamed of. There is more potential than what you are able to garner in one look. What is there in this life that is worth living for? What is there in the chart which makes this life worth living for? In part it requires you to remain open and unconscious about the possibilities, but in a like manner, cautious about the possible dangers. For there is the same possibility for harshness as there is for joy.

In some ways the stars appear to look a little like Heaven. According to the ancient Greeks, Heaven and Hell were in fact one place, and your life in the afterlife could be pleasant or it could be nasty, (carrying a large rock which always roles back, or carrying water with a sieve), depending on actions and deeds on Earth.

Let´s say though, for argument´s sake that there is no real afterlife, that for all purposes, this is the only life that we get. In this case, the Heavens are a kind of reflection of what´s going on down here. Only studying the paths of the demigods, (the planets) may give us clues as to the paths that we ourselves are likely to take. Heaven obviously does continue, and according to the ancient tradition, the gods, (though I don´t deny a prime mover), the gods as represented by the planets are in fact jealous of our mortality, because it makes our lives so much the more precious.

Our lives really are precious, in the case that there is only one life. But, what say, if your life is more like a tragedy? There is no chance at a replay. This is where I get stuck. This is where I find I can´t escape despite my best efforts. In one sense, it should then be our duty to have some faith, that all will eventually work out the way it ought to. Perhaps the fact that it is impossible to know all that a life contains from the start is another small aid in getting through the tough times.

What kind of life is rewarded? What kind of attitude is given happiness? The rewards that come to those that are of the nature of Mars are immediate, they are probably pleasurable and exciting, but they are gone just as fast, and the down side is that of danger. The rewards in life that come to those of the nature of Saturn or Venus will probably not be apparent at the beginning, it looks grim or shoddy, or inadequate, but it probably lasts right until the very end. With this view in mind it does not profit us to look at what other people get in life and compare notes or even try and garner what might be your own fate through similarity of planetary force.

Jupiter trine Venus persons might be incredibly lucky, they might have a permanent party, all of the friends they could wish for etc. etc. and this is cause of much misery for the Venus-Saturn person who must sit next door listening to other people having fun while contemplating the reasons for not being popular, for being a social reject. Bu perhaps in ten years time Saturn-Venus will have someone love them solidly, and permanently and despite all imperfection, while Jupiter is on the next empty and soulless relationship based on appearance and excess.

What does destiny say about the life as a whole rather than the life as viewed from the perspective of someone only interested in the “now”? IT is said that “God created Heaven and Earth.” In heaven we see the stars and planets, which in my opinion are what the ancients believed to be gods, and which in a sense are in fact forms of higher power, demigods perhaps. The final word though, the final word is that if there is a singular thought that runs through everything, then there can´t truly be anything that is bad, or rather there can´t be anything that isn´t pre-destined, or part of the plan and therefor it cannot be bad.

What is the meaning of the suffering that I go through now? Or that I went through two years ago? According to the stars it changed my attitudes in certain ways by being a transit to my third ruler. What was the meanin of that mental suffering? In one sense it was a stretching of the mental muscles. And it is a well known fact that muscles do not grow unless they are trained through the strenuous if not at times painful exercise. “No pain no gain…” A lot of people interested in the stars look at a transit and are glad that it´s over once it´s over and consider it as one would consider a tragic act of random fortune. I´ve stipulated here that there is no random act of fortune, because the stars are put there by God, whoever he may be, benevolent or not.

So what does this have to do with anything? It´s the idea of destiny, the idea of suffering the pains of life by “being good” in order to reap the rewards in the “afterlife” or more to my taste, the life which we haven´t yet lived, but which is definitely projectionable and visible on the horizon. To suffer loneliness will create the appreciation for company, not just the appreciation, but the desire and the need for partnership. To suffer stupidity or to suffer powerlessness will give rise to talent, to adaptability. The idea is not that the FATE of our lives is random, cruel and unprecedented, but that because it comes from one  mind, that there is reason behind the current suffering in whatever from it may take.

The things that are most lacked will be the things that are most compensated. It seems that humanity tilts itself in the opposite direction from where it is, whether it is instant or whether it takes years. It´s the idea that everything is not realised that is important to keep in mind. It´s what we don´t have now, and ask for and pray for that may be ours tomorrow or later on in the future. One of the steps towards this materialization is that of imagination, of thinking and creating a blueprint of what it is that you want to create. Persistence pays, this is why Saturn is associated with achievement, with things that last, with a very moderate amount of happiness each day for the rest of your life.

This dialogue isn´t finished yet, because the full extent of it´s possible realisation isn´t apparent and because the mind that has written it isn´t satisfied with the philosophical clarity which it is meant, or designed to bring. Part of it is a reason in order to have faith that the present time is how it is meant to be as a foundation for greater future things. Part of it is a reconciliation with the apparent seeming randomness of life. There is nothing random, and it is difficult to believe this. When as individuals we strive and struggle, it is impossible to think that those struggles are in fact destined in the same way that other things in life appear to be destined. When you feel pain, you do not accept that the pain is in fact part of the plan. Pain is inconceivable to be part of some divine plan, it´s practically incomprehensible. Though, as an argument it might be said that the birthpains of a mother make her realise that a child is serious business, and the pain is part of the reason for the protection she eventually gives.

There is more to this…





I still have hope but I don’t need it

22 09 2008

GCD

GCEm

I still have hope…

I still have hope

I still have hope,

And I think you are hot

I still have hope,

Even though the leaves are falling fast,

And this coming spring,

I hope to see you at last.

(Interlude) GCD

GCEm

I don’t need hope anymore…

I don’t need hope anymore

Because I know I can make things

Turn out the way

I want them to be

I don’t need hope anymore

Because I know that

You love me…

Because it’s so damn easy to see…





Dream Changer

19 09 2008

“I’ll let you be in my dream if I can bee in yours” Bob Dylan said that…but he was quoting Abraham Lincoln.

To catch dreams is pretty easy, all you need is a few feathers from wild birds, and you’ve got the makings of night after night of sweet and scary dreams. But there is a different kind of dream which is illusive and which people the world over are letting slip through the net. The dream I talk of is the one that is not really a night time thing, but the dream that you live from day to day. This is an important part of the human spirit, it is spirit, it is something that goes to the core of the soul of every person, and yet most of us allow this type of dream to slip their consciousness, slip right through, like a stone in the sea.

What happened, why did you let your dream go, why did you abandon what you thought of and aspired to? Why did you let go of the fantasy which your life was based on? The reason was that it wasn’t even a fantasy in the first place, the hope that was there was crushed because of the realisation of limitations. The truth is that when your dreams are out of bounds, when they are beyond the potential of what is possible, the dream itself is not really in line with your own inner reality, somehow it got placed there through the pervasive media barrage full of ready-made artificial, high in sugar, high in colour, but in the end sickening and over stimulating ideal.

So the ideal, the one that you grabbed from somewhere is brought down to earth. It is unfulfilled. And as time rolls on, you have to be pragmatic and adapt to the surrounding circumstances. Following dreams now seems as relevant to your life as global warming is to the weather in the UK; it rains and is cold every day no matter. The thoughts that lifted and once gave life its magic are not really there anymore, it just becomes day in, day out, time goes quickly, but at the same time nothing changes, because routine has become the world. in fact thinking of something different, or seeing something new only serves to disturb that comfortable monotony of life.

But life needs a dream. TV can provide daily doses of that “escape”, of discovering new sensations and new worlds, but it’s not really substitute to watch someone else do it, where the plot is predictable, where the words are scripted, where to have the unexpected would completely upset the balance of comfort on the sofa. What can you dream of, what is there that is worth dreaming? What illusion, what beautiful visions, can a person bring into their lives? What is there that makes life special and not meaningless?

When one dark planet crosses over another dark planet in the outer solar system, dreams can be broken. It is more than just a dream that is broken in some cases, it is a person’s idea of what life is about. When this happens, life can stop, it can turn around. It takes a shock, it takes a fright, a nightmare, a living hell sometimes for the human mind to recondition itself into a new course, and it does this remorselessly, without thought, without mercy. What the illusion of childhood was, is no longer, and if you don’t have an illusion of your own to fill in that gap, there will be a terrible gap, until you die, which you might try filling with substitutes, such as beer, or any other distraction you can think of.

The fact that your mind held illusions, beautiful visions and ideals throughout childhood, through your youth, through your young life, means that they are capable of holding these visions again. Just because you lose Faith, lose hope, lose wanting to “be” something or feel a certain way, due to the materialisation of physical need does not mean that you must hand over your life on a piece of paper and let other people decide what your fate will be in resignation. No, this is wrong.

The human mind is like a mould, and it is designed to hold, an idea, an ideal, it is formed through desire to chart the uncharted, to achieve and to learn, to experience newness, even if that newness was simply the same thing over and over again, like a boy on a bike, riding around the same street over and over again, only to notice new things on each little journey he made. The novelty was there, it was always there, it was born out of childhood boredom rolling out the infinity that childhood thinks of as time.

So how do you go about changing your dream? How do you make a new one? As an adult, it is not satisfying to ride about in the same street, or even in the same town. People leave. They leave their home town because their dream breaks and they go outwards looking for the novelty, the stimulation of a new one, but unfortunately this too often breaks and rather quickly too. The answer is a difficult one.

The regeneration of dreams must satisfy the mind for its qualities of newness. It must however not be something that is easily broken. As water is poured onto water it quickly dissipates. There must be something concrete in the dream, there must be ambition instilled into it.

It is even possible to simply metamorphose the old dream. What you once wanted through innocent eyes, what you yearned for through a state of total irresponsibility was an ideal. This is where it gets interesting. The ideal can still be the same, it must in some sense satisfy what the original desire was, whether it was expansion, or comfort, or love, whether it was an aesthetic dream or one involving words, involving conversations and talk, the template may remain the same.

If you look at it in this way, the apparent death of the dream is simply an alarm bell ringing telling you to do something about it. The stronger and more painfully that bell rings, the greater the determination and structure that you might put into driving the dream forward. Dreams never really die. The truth is that you cut the edges off them to make them streamlined, to make them fit through the obstacle course of life. If the dream is too big, you don’t make progress, but without a dream there is no motivation. The secret of life is to refine the desire, refine and reform it until the life that you want to lead, becomes something that is inevitable. When disappointment occurs in life, when depression roles in from the failure of your dreams, from the failure of what you thought life ought to be, that’s when you need to clip the dreams wings, when you need to question whether it was in fact a dream which was worth while in the first place.

The more subtle you are in “adapting” and changing the original impulse of life, of transforming life into something fine, that makes you feel good, the easier it is to fulfil the dream. When things stir out in the darkness, and your life becomes plagued, you must ask yourself: “what did I want?” And “was what I wanted worth anything?”

The dream of life is there for us all. It is there to make in the shape in which we choose. Like the Biblical God being the image of man, man has the potential to shape his world. What he creates is his creation, and as we create our own lives we must think about what is worth creating in the first place. Some dreams are worth having, the ones which are lifetime dreams, the ones in which you say “I have brought about this reality through my desire, through having trust and faith in my vision, in my dream, and determination to make my dream real, in the image of what I wanted it to be.”

Once you Believe, it is easy to convince others to believe also. Especially if they have nothing planned.





Don’t Stop Smiling

16 09 2008

GGGGGGGG EmEmEmG EmEmEmG

I’m not good at writing these songs, writing these songs

And yes it has been very long, been very long

But I wouldn’t mind if it was you

Who loved me all along, all along

Inst. GGG CC G

CCC G

(back to Em)

And I can see that you are smiling now

And I am sure glad

That I have found you somehow

And I hope that you never stop smiling

(instrumental C)

(Back to Em)

I have been in paradise, paradise

But it was boring as hell

And the moment I thought of your face

I began to smile inside, smile inside

(Instrumental C)





White Clouds Lyrics

14 09 2008

I thought I’d begin by posting the lyrics to a popular song by Buddy Materna

White Clouds

A vague feeling sweeping over me

White clouds in the wind

Yesterday I wished I was someone else

But if I were I would never have know you

I may never have lost my mind that day

But now it seems alright today

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

Forget the sadness forget the pain

It’s the end of our sorrow

We’re leaving this rain

Sunshine blowing through your hair

Our dreams are coming true

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

Sunshine blowing through your hair

Our dreams are coming true

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind