Transits: Saturn to the First (Keep the dreams alive)

16 02 2010

When I was eight years old my parents decided to move to Spain, we travelled by car, with a caravan in tow. I was told that this was an “adventure” and so my young impressionable mind was forever impressed with the idea that when life gets dull, for whatever reason, or when you feel like it, you can go on an adventure.

I don´t remember that much about the trip, except that my crayons melted in the ash-tray during the day. In the evening though I do remember something that has stuck with me and is part of what it means to have strong Sagittarius. I remember staring out of the window and seeing mountains filled with pine trees and above the mountains there were the stars. I remember I saw three shooting stars that night, but I don´t remember if I made any wishes. My parents would have probably told us children to make wishes, so no-doubt we would have made some.

Throughout life I´ve been a bit more on the optimistic, hopeful side even though outwardly I cultivate modesty, (Virgo Rising).  Currently, some of that optimism has become a little crushed. I´ve realised that in order to maintain a job and money and for life generally, one has to stay in the same place on a continual basis, one must work, and you can´t just continually be going somewhere else, or even reading about somewhere else. Eventually you run out of places anyway.

But even though I am becoming more or less mature, with the work, with the staying in one place I will not change my essential nature. One has to channel all that Romanticism, that magic of the idea of travel in an unknown land, that expansive mystery that probably comes from Sagittarius Neptune.

At times it feels like the success that I have at work, has come at a price. This price is that my freedom is the sacrifice, that those dreams of freedom and travel even if I wanted to fulfill them are so far from reality that they barely exist.

Whatever Romanticism which was borne in me in my infancy has continued and developed and grown in my life. The long voyage literature that I read and studied, the constant travelling (with the books) both fulfilled, and fed this inner idealism. That idealism, the expansive needs within are still there, and growing and expanding. And to deny this part of life is denial of self.

This dreaming may one day take me to some tragic impasse. But if I one day died on an open boat beneath the stars in unknown waters, without a map, I would be pleased with such a death. So long as my eternal soul found freedom out there.

The Romantic Poets of the 19th Century were not as free as the wind. They needed money from which they could base their lives on. That money may have come from aristocratic  inheritance or from the new wealth of the industrial revolution. But their freedoms had basis either in their own work, or the work of other people within their society.

The freedom of conquistadors, of countless soldiers that went off on “adventures” likewise had its basis in some dreary Capricorn heart, some Emperor adding up resources and weighing up information about possible conquests.  The price that Native Americans paid for their freedom before the advent of “the white man” would have been that the natural forces of the Earth were a lot closer to them and could take their lives with more alacrity: death by poisonous mushroom perhaps, or death by an infected cut.

I´ve made my pact with Saturn. I wish not to die in a gutter on the principle of freedom. Knowledge of the world gives me control, and understanding. The idea that the universe is infinite, provides infinite possibilities of freedom must go into the subconscious or into some forms of fantasy.

The pact with Saturn is that we must all support ourselves materially. This is not to say that the dreams must die, but it does mean that such dreams are to be kept for other times.  Either the psyche is allowed to expand along the roads which are natural to it, or it begins to split into two differing sides. It´s the split personality of a writer.

Saturn transiting my natal 1st house has made me realise that life does consist of work, and that work is a kind of form of benign slavery which binds you to one city in one country with slim chance of going anywhere else, or even the possibility of going anywhere else. The fact of having late Virgo rising has resulted in Saturn in Exaltation making this kind of bind a little more pleasant, or nicer than it might otherwise have been. The place of work is an amiable sort of place, with little touches here and there.  It´s something I am grateful for.

The childhood sense of wonder doesn´t have to die though. A year of work, and I will have money saved and I will have time off. Time will never be infinite with Saturn in the first, however, there will be opportunities further along in life to be reckless with a yacht or to go off to some mountains with a tent. Dreams which were impossible because I didn´t have the money or the will to do some of them will be possible some time. The possibilities of expansion for a disciplined and tempered mind may be even greater, for one is unlikely to make as many mistakes with knowledge.

Make it Concrete

The second realisation is that although it is fine and well to be an optimist, to have an expansive Sagittarian nature that appreciates sci-fi or long books, travel, religion etc.  There is a point in life in which we must actualise things. Expansion and optimism have to be put to a purpose. The Saturnine purpose is a purpose that is repeated, buildings that stand in stone. Work must not just be work. When I am teaching, that inner optimism is still there I hope, the expansion takes the form of speaking, but it is still there.

The question I want to finish this little contemplation of Saturn´s serious transit in contrast to the inner optimist is on the lines of “what do I want to achieve?” or even “what do I want to be?”

No achievement will be satisfactory unless it is a personal inner achievement, something that I myself am pleased with. And it´s interesting that I pose the question of what I want to be with Saturn in the 1st house also. I propose that the measure for any achievement is also in a sense what I become at the same time. To achieve great things and yet to be weak, either morally or physically, would sully the whole thing. Yet to not achieve anything particularly special, but to be respected and liked, and to be strong, (morally or otherwise) would be worth it.

Fortune, Destiny, God

23 11 2009

Something that I sometimes wonder about in relation to this study is the idea of destiny. The reason that anyone studies this particular unconfirmed field is to try to get a heads up  on a future which is already dead certain. What I mean by this is that somehow, there is a destiny which is already fact and that although our lives are only in the making, although our lives are incomplete and lacking at the moment, the idea that there is something definite in the future is tantalising and promising.

But, no matter how much I study, I will never fully “know” the future. I will never understand that I might be different at some future time, just as I had been different in the past. The scope of emotion that I have experienced in life, I would never have dreamed of in childhood. As a child there was no worry, no sadness, no disappointment, but those things came just as they come to all.

A chart though contains more potential than what is lived at the moment in which one looks at it. This is part of the reason for study. It´s the fact that you can find things that you would have never before dreamed of. There is more potential than what you are able to garner in one look. What is there in this life that is worth living for? What is there in the chart which makes this life worth living for? In part it requires you to remain open and unconscious about the possibilities, but in a like manner, cautious about the possible dangers. For there is the same possibility for harshness as there is for joy.

In some ways the stars appear to look a little like Heaven. According to the ancient Greeks, Heaven and Hell were in fact one place, and your life in the afterlife could be pleasant or it could be nasty, (carrying a large rock which always roles back, or carrying water with a sieve), depending on actions and deeds on Earth.

Let´s say though, for argument´s sake that there is no real afterlife, that for all purposes, this is the only life that we get. In this case, the Heavens are a kind of reflection of what´s going on down here. Only studying the paths of the demigods, (the planets) may give us clues as to the paths that we ourselves are likely to take. Heaven obviously does continue, and according to the ancient tradition, the gods, (though I don´t deny a prime mover), the gods as represented by the planets are in fact jealous of our mortality, because it makes our lives so much the more precious.

Our lives really are precious, in the case that there is only one life. But, what say, if your life is more like a tragedy? There is no chance at a replay. This is where I get stuck. This is where I find I can´t escape despite my best efforts. In one sense, it should then be our duty to have some faith, that all will eventually work out the way it ought to. Perhaps the fact that it is impossible to know all that a life contains from the start is another small aid in getting through the tough times.

What kind of life is rewarded? What kind of attitude is given happiness? The rewards that come to those that are of the nature of Mars are immediate, they are probably pleasurable and exciting, but they are gone just as fast, and the down side is that of danger. The rewards in life that come to those of the nature of Saturn or Venus will probably not be apparent at the beginning, it looks grim or shoddy, or inadequate, but it probably lasts right until the very end. With this view in mind it does not profit us to look at what other people get in life and compare notes or even try and garner what might be your own fate through similarity of planetary force.

Jupiter trine Venus persons might be incredibly lucky, they might have a permanent party, all of the friends they could wish for etc. etc. and this is cause of much misery for the Venus-Saturn person who must sit next door listening to other people having fun while contemplating the reasons for not being popular, for being a social reject. Bu perhaps in ten years time Saturn-Venus will have someone love them solidly, and permanently and despite all imperfection, while Jupiter is on the next empty and soulless relationship based on appearance and excess.

What does destiny say about the life as a whole rather than the life as viewed from the perspective of someone only interested in the “now”? IT is said that “God created Heaven and Earth.” In heaven we see the stars and planets, which in my opinion are what the ancients believed to be gods, and which in a sense are in fact forms of higher power, demigods perhaps. The final word though, the final word is that if there is a singular thought that runs through everything, then there can´t truly be anything that is bad, or rather there can´t be anything that isn´t pre-destined, or part of the plan and therefor it cannot be bad.

What is the meaning of the suffering that I go through now? Or that I went through two years ago? According to the stars it changed my attitudes in certain ways by being a transit to my third ruler. What was the meanin of that mental suffering? In one sense it was a stretching of the mental muscles. And it is a well known fact that muscles do not grow unless they are trained through the strenuous if not at times painful exercise. “No pain no gain…” A lot of people interested in the stars look at a transit and are glad that it´s over once it´s over and consider it as one would consider a tragic act of random fortune. I´ve stipulated here that there is no random act of fortune, because the stars are put there by God, whoever he may be, benevolent or not.

So what does this have to do with anything? It´s the idea of destiny, the idea of suffering the pains of life by “being good” in order to reap the rewards in the “afterlife” or more to my taste, the life which we haven´t yet lived, but which is definitely projectionable and visible on the horizon. To suffer loneliness will create the appreciation for company, not just the appreciation, but the desire and the need for partnership. To suffer stupidity or to suffer powerlessness will give rise to talent, to adaptability. The idea is not that the FATE of our lives is random, cruel and unprecedented, but that because it comes from one  mind, that there is reason behind the current suffering in whatever from it may take.

The things that are most lacked will be the things that are most compensated. It seems that humanity tilts itself in the opposite direction from where it is, whether it is instant or whether it takes years. It´s the idea that everything is not realised that is important to keep in mind. It´s what we don´t have now, and ask for and pray for that may be ours tomorrow or later on in the future. One of the steps towards this materialization is that of imagination, of thinking and creating a blueprint of what it is that you want to create. Persistence pays, this is why Saturn is associated with achievement, with things that last, with a very moderate amount of happiness each day for the rest of your life.

This dialogue isn´t finished yet, because the full extent of it´s possible realisation isn´t apparent and because the mind that has written it isn´t satisfied with the philosophical clarity which it is meant, or designed to bring. Part of it is a reason in order to have faith that the present time is how it is meant to be as a foundation for greater future things. Part of it is a reconciliation with the apparent seeming randomness of life. There is nothing random, and it is difficult to believe this. When as individuals we strive and struggle, it is impossible to think that those struggles are in fact destined in the same way that other things in life appear to be destined. When you feel pain, you do not accept that the pain is in fact part of the plan. Pain is inconceivable to be part of some divine plan, it´s practically incomprehensible. Though, as an argument it might be said that the birthpains of a mother make her realise that a child is serious business, and the pain is part of the reason for the protection she eventually gives.

There is more to this…