When you say I

3 10 2011

When you say “I”, what do you mean by that? Do you mean your body, do you mean your hands, or your eyes, or your mouth? Is that really you? When you say I do you mean your feelings, your emotions, from happiness to anger to depression and sadness, back to happiness and joy? When you say “I love you”, what is it exactly that you love me with? Do you mean your body and your hormones and your feelings? Which ones and in what proportion to each other?

What part of the I is everlasting? What part of the I continues into the next life? What part of the I never dies?

In the next life, when you and I are both dead, will we be able to find each other? How will you recognise me in that life and how will I know it’s you? When we are both reborn and remember nothing of the past life and remember nothing of our “real” selves? Perhaps it’s the eyes that give it away? Windows to the soul.

When I love you, what do I mean by you? What is it that I love? Do I love your body? Do I love your words and your voice? Do I love your past and your future hopes and wishes? Do I love your likes and dislikes?

All of these things I love but what I  love most is your love.

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The Art of Praying

28 09 2008

When you are truly troubled, when life is far beyond being able to be dealt with, when you lose, in short, when you are totally alone in the world and have no-one left, you begin to pray. I used to pray often, I was raised and taught to pray in a very childish way. But the habit has stuck with me because every time I went through some hard times and I was truly alone, which was more often than not, I would race through all my troubles at night, and get deeper and deeper into a state of panic and fear, eventually as the night wore on I prayed for my haunting thoughts to go away, I prayed for an end to the pain in my head. I would pray the traditional prayer, Jesus Christ’s prayer because he was probably a troubled young man in his lifetime.

I forgot how to pray. Recently I had been experimenting with ideas that there was no God, and it was a liberating experience. But I found that my troubles didn’t just disappear because I decided that logic was the cure to my ills. My problems are indifferent to whether there is a God or not. True spiritual awakening begins in your heart anyway, and I am inclined to believe that people can be spiritual and logical at the same time. To act logically all through life without having an emotional and higher awareness would make you more like a piece of furniture than a human being. So to me, the belief is there that you can change your world through thoughts and feelings through whispered words and midnight chanting in the dark.

I was very unhappy. I was also very alone. I began praying and I felt that someone was there. It felt as if someone was thinking of me, and it felt like a warm embrace. Now to someone that has no-one in the world who they feel that they can really speak to, for someone that is far away from their real home, from their countrymen from their people, it is something. It is like being given water in the middle of a desert, like being fed when your stomach is so hungry you hallucinate.

So does this praying actually mean anything? What I wanted to know is whether it can form the bases of real healing of the fear that can possess you at times. At the moment my life has had certain things removed. The things which were there and which were crutches to me have disappeared, I feel as if I literally am walking through space, there is a gaping hole in my life, an emptiness which is massive and which stops me from sleeping late at night.

To go through each and every discontented thought keeps me going until the next night, but those thoughts don’t just go away they keep eroding my energy away night after night. Things that hurt over and over again might include family relations, and abuse which is perpetrated by certain individuals through their jealousy, which are extremely hurtful, sisters, mothers, full of anger and fathers that you sense don’t really care. Sexual problems are part of every person’s adult life, but when you suffer them and are alone for long periods of time it is easy to distort your own inadequacy into a destructive pattern where you actually believe that you are sexually worthless, when in fact your organs function normally. Another problem, your career has not taken off, because you have wasted too much time thinking about what you wanted to do rather than doing anything, you feel worthless again, the centre of individual power is at a low. When you are left alone in a foreign country there is no familiar voice, there is essentially nothing except your own mind filled with things which are left undone, things which haven’t been sorted out.

So when these thoughts swirl and swirl they do, not just at night but in the day time in consciousness, what can be done to help you through them? Praying is an Art. You must pray in different places to make it work. Luckily for me I have been brought up praying. I prayed in church on a beautiful Sunny day during mass, and I remember the first girl I loved who was there in the church in front of me bathed in Sun. I remember praying on windy days at University, when I began to develop an understanding of the stories and scriptures as complex metaphors designed to convey hidden meaning, and I began paying attention to these stories. I also remember praying in the church of tears in Jerusalem while on a day trip from my holiday in Egypt. Praying works. It takes years of practice, it takes years of doing it, but you don’t have to do it every night, you can come back to it when you need it. It is not a discipline.


Praying can connect you to someone who loves you somewhere in the world where you are not physically present. You can communicate with this person. There is always someone somewhere who is open to receiving your mind, through the planetary mind, through the other mode of existence, which many people call God. I believe that thought is transmittable through the air, through the magnetic power lines that exist surrounding the Earth. It is possible to send someone your thoughts, your feelings too. And that is one of the benefits of believing.

How to pray: Let your thoughts and fears which are grounded in misinformation mostly just dissipate away. They are not worth thinking about at night, only during the day. Pray for a solution to each and every one of them, pray for your health and the health of people in general, pray for children and people with diseases. Pray for people who are dying. Pray for global warming. Pray for love and peace. Then think about someone that loves you without discrimination or bribery and pray for them. And if they do not exist pray for someone like that to be in your life. Once you feel their presence you feel the power of prayer. God will give you what you pray for. God is there, God is real, he is not a man, he is the spirit, and he is real and he connects everything on Earth together, and God is always listening to our prayers, and we ought to pray for good things, like love and happiness, and actions which are based on love.





I still have hope but I don’t need it

22 09 2008

GCD

GCEm

I still have hope…

I still have hope

I still have hope,

And I think you are hot

I still have hope,

Even though the leaves are falling fast,

And this coming spring,

I hope to see you at last.

(Interlude) GCD

GCEm

I don’t need hope anymore…

I don’t need hope anymore

Because I know I can make things

Turn out the way

I want them to be

I don’t need hope anymore

Because I know that

You love me…

Because it’s so damn easy to see…





The New World Economy

20 09 2008

Financial meltdown is occurring

Financial meltdown is occurring. This is not scaremongering, this is happening around our heads right here, right now. Banks are going bankrupt. Prices are rising, jobs are being lost, people are losing their homes. The figures we know are just the tip of the iceberg. And just because it is happening slowly, with politicians and commentators debating whether it really is as bad as all that, doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

Alistair Darling the Chancellor, the man in charge of the UK economy, said “these are the worst economic conditions for 60 years.” Why would a man in charge of keeping confidence in the world’s Financial Capital, London go and say such a panic inciting thing like that? 60 years ago, there was food rationing, people were starving in the UK, people were entitled to one cup of flour, a spoon of sugar, and a slice of bacon each day.

To look around Great Britain today, you would think that Alistair Darling was making a ridiculous joke, in bad taste considering what the post war generation had available to them. There is wealth, there are huge supermarkets filled with variety, as well as quantity of food, there are jobs, and there are warm centrally heated houses.

But Darling wasn’t speaking of now, of the visible. Darling was talking about what is unseen, like a cobra beneath the night sheets. Just what is there lurking in the shadows to make the man in charge of the worlds most vibrant economy shudder and throw out warning signals? It’s like he’s insuring himself against what’s inevitably going to happen, trying to give a little cover for when the questions come home asking “why didn’t you warn us?” So he can sleep safer in the knowledge that he did warn but people did nothing to try and avert. Is Darling playing the doctor warning the obese that they are in for some health problems in the not too distant future? This is what it sounds like.

Some of the sources of the problems are easy to discern, some of them are complex, and even economists are debating amongst themselves. But whatever the actual reasons, the recession of all recessions is on its way, like a storm surge far out to sea, with the first waves already beginning to splash in the faces of the coastal dwellers.

Economies are not based on the gold standard. This is one of the reasons for the huge wealth wastage. If money is not really based on anything more than paper, there are implications. People and especially lenders and bankers are unaware of its true value. Part of the problem of the American credit crisis was this fact. It mirrors, Rome’s melting down of its gold and silver only to mix in ever increasing amounts of worthless copper and other cheap metals in their money supply during the years when their military and conquests were costing them more than the sum of their empire. Money that is based on debt rather than real wealth is worthless.





Dream Changer

19 09 2008

“I’ll let you be in my dream if I can bee in yours” Bob Dylan said that…but he was quoting Abraham Lincoln.

To catch dreams is pretty easy, all you need is a few feathers from wild birds, and you’ve got the makings of night after night of sweet and scary dreams. But there is a different kind of dream which is illusive and which people the world over are letting slip through the net. The dream I talk of is the one that is not really a night time thing, but the dream that you live from day to day. This is an important part of the human spirit, it is spirit, it is something that goes to the core of the soul of every person, and yet most of us allow this type of dream to slip their consciousness, slip right through, like a stone in the sea.

What happened, why did you let your dream go, why did you abandon what you thought of and aspired to? Why did you let go of the fantasy which your life was based on? The reason was that it wasn’t even a fantasy in the first place, the hope that was there was crushed because of the realisation of limitations. The truth is that when your dreams are out of bounds, when they are beyond the potential of what is possible, the dream itself is not really in line with your own inner reality, somehow it got placed there through the pervasive media barrage full of ready-made artificial, high in sugar, high in colour, but in the end sickening and over stimulating ideal.

So the ideal, the one that you grabbed from somewhere is brought down to earth. It is unfulfilled. And as time rolls on, you have to be pragmatic and adapt to the surrounding circumstances. Following dreams now seems as relevant to your life as global warming is to the weather in the UK; it rains and is cold every day no matter. The thoughts that lifted and once gave life its magic are not really there anymore, it just becomes day in, day out, time goes quickly, but at the same time nothing changes, because routine has become the world. in fact thinking of something different, or seeing something new only serves to disturb that comfortable monotony of life.

But life needs a dream. TV can provide daily doses of that “escape”, of discovering new sensations and new worlds, but it’s not really substitute to watch someone else do it, where the plot is predictable, where the words are scripted, where to have the unexpected would completely upset the balance of comfort on the sofa. What can you dream of, what is there that is worth dreaming? What illusion, what beautiful visions, can a person bring into their lives? What is there that makes life special and not meaningless?

When one dark planet crosses over another dark planet in the outer solar system, dreams can be broken. It is more than just a dream that is broken in some cases, it is a person’s idea of what life is about. When this happens, life can stop, it can turn around. It takes a shock, it takes a fright, a nightmare, a living hell sometimes for the human mind to recondition itself into a new course, and it does this remorselessly, without thought, without mercy. What the illusion of childhood was, is no longer, and if you don’t have an illusion of your own to fill in that gap, there will be a terrible gap, until you die, which you might try filling with substitutes, such as beer, or any other distraction you can think of.

The fact that your mind held illusions, beautiful visions and ideals throughout childhood, through your youth, through your young life, means that they are capable of holding these visions again. Just because you lose Faith, lose hope, lose wanting to “be” something or feel a certain way, due to the materialisation of physical need does not mean that you must hand over your life on a piece of paper and let other people decide what your fate will be in resignation. No, this is wrong.

The human mind is like a mould, and it is designed to hold, an idea, an ideal, it is formed through desire to chart the uncharted, to achieve and to learn, to experience newness, even if that newness was simply the same thing over and over again, like a boy on a bike, riding around the same street over and over again, only to notice new things on each little journey he made. The novelty was there, it was always there, it was born out of childhood boredom rolling out the infinity that childhood thinks of as time.

So how do you go about changing your dream? How do you make a new one? As an adult, it is not satisfying to ride about in the same street, or even in the same town. People leave. They leave their home town because their dream breaks and they go outwards looking for the novelty, the stimulation of a new one, but unfortunately this too often breaks and rather quickly too. The answer is a difficult one.

The regeneration of dreams must satisfy the mind for its qualities of newness. It must however not be something that is easily broken. As water is poured onto water it quickly dissipates. There must be something concrete in the dream, there must be ambition instilled into it.

It is even possible to simply metamorphose the old dream. What you once wanted through innocent eyes, what you yearned for through a state of total irresponsibility was an ideal. This is where it gets interesting. The ideal can still be the same, it must in some sense satisfy what the original desire was, whether it was expansion, or comfort, or love, whether it was an aesthetic dream or one involving words, involving conversations and talk, the template may remain the same.

If you look at it in this way, the apparent death of the dream is simply an alarm bell ringing telling you to do something about it. The stronger and more painfully that bell rings, the greater the determination and structure that you might put into driving the dream forward. Dreams never really die. The truth is that you cut the edges off them to make them streamlined, to make them fit through the obstacle course of life. If the dream is too big, you don’t make progress, but without a dream there is no motivation. The secret of life is to refine the desire, refine and reform it until the life that you want to lead, becomes something that is inevitable. When disappointment occurs in life, when depression roles in from the failure of your dreams, from the failure of what you thought life ought to be, that’s when you need to clip the dreams wings, when you need to question whether it was in fact a dream which was worth while in the first place.

The more subtle you are in “adapting” and changing the original impulse of life, of transforming life into something fine, that makes you feel good, the easier it is to fulfil the dream. When things stir out in the darkness, and your life becomes plagued, you must ask yourself: “what did I want?” And “was what I wanted worth anything?”

The dream of life is there for us all. It is there to make in the shape in which we choose. Like the Biblical God being the image of man, man has the potential to shape his world. What he creates is his creation, and as we create our own lives we must think about what is worth creating in the first place. Some dreams are worth having, the ones which are lifetime dreams, the ones in which you say “I have brought about this reality through my desire, through having trust and faith in my vision, in my dream, and determination to make my dream real, in the image of what I wanted it to be.”

Once you Believe, it is easy to convince others to believe also. Especially if they have nothing planned.





Don’t Stop Smiling

16 09 2008

GGGGGGGG EmEmEmG EmEmEmG

I’m not good at writing these songs, writing these songs

And yes it has been very long, been very long

But I wouldn’t mind if it was you

Who loved me all along, all along

Inst. GGG CC G

CCC G

(back to Em)

And I can see that you are smiling now

And I am sure glad

That I have found you somehow

And I hope that you never stop smiling

(instrumental C)

(Back to Em)

I have been in paradise, paradise

But it was boring as hell

And the moment I thought of your face

I began to smile inside, smile inside

(Instrumental C)





White Clouds Lyrics

14 09 2008

I thought I’d begin by posting the lyrics to a popular song by Buddy Materna

White Clouds

A vague feeling sweeping over me

White clouds in the wind

Yesterday I wished I was someone else

But if I were I would never have know you

I may never have lost my mind that day

But now it seems alright today

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

Forget the sadness forget the pain

It’s the end of our sorrow

We’re leaving this rain

Sunshine blowing through your hair

Our dreams are coming true

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind

Sunshine blowing through your hair

Our dreams are coming true

A vague feeling sweeping over you

White clouds in the wind